6. 10. 15
I fail a lot. everybody does. Someone who says they don't is LYING to you. Rather then going into detail about that time in fourth grade when my sister split my chin open and my yba basketball team lost the championship while I was in the hospital, or the time in 7th grade that I fell in love. and 9th. and 10th and 11th. id rather write about the importance of failure then my own.
I fail everyday a little bit when I think about it. everyday your life is failing you because you are getting closer to death. Didn't get a 100 on that quiz. My high-five was rejected. failure is inevitable sometimes because you can never ensure that what you put your energy into will reciprocate that level back to you. That is probably the most important thing I've learned about failure; take the repercussions when the loss is your fault, but understand that sometimes there was just nothing you could do to make that other thing, or person react the way you wanted it to. I think its important to face your actions when something is your fault, always. Blaming others for everything will cause a lot of loss in life, and when you take responsibility for your actions you will began to gain respect. however, sometimes you cant hold yourself responsible for everything that goes wrong either. sometimes there was just nothing you could control, and you have to get over it. if you live your whole life feeling sorry for yourself for that one time when you didn't know there was homework, you are going to have a pretty crap life.
Be good to yourself, treat yourself with respect and own up to your faults.
Friday, June 12, 2015
Monday, June 8, 2015
Rape Culture
This is a topic I am so passionate about that it makes me angry. Lets talk about rape culture for a moment, and the perpetuation of such in school environments. A lot of adults disagree with me on this topic but to be quite frank with you I couldn't give less of a crap. so just read this and consider where I am coming from.
so lets set the stage- I'm on all the social media; twitter, tumblr, instagram, facebook, etc. and as a teenage girl in this culture I am constantly bombarded by feminist movements, anti rape campaigning, free the nipple campaigns, etc. and I LOVE IT. Go girls! but unfortunately in this culture we are also faced with the social construct in place from years of oppression towards women. Clearly progress has been made, however there is still an unconscious perpetuation of shaming women for exercising the same rights as men or for being proud of their bodies.
I personally am very against the current in place dress codes in school. let me explain why- girls come to school AWARE (believe it or not) of how they dressed themselves that morning. Aware of how much leg, cleavage, or stomach is exposed. With this understood, how does a teacher or any administrator have the right to say that what we choose to wear is not "appropriate"? who defines what is appropriate and what it isn't? is not being appropriate exercising my right to freedom of expression? oh right, I forgot! in schools, where by law we have to be, our rights can be limited! How humane!
So here we are, bound by law to attend school, where the law says they can limit our freedoms, trying to be our individual selves, and then we get slut shamed by our own "role models". what is slut shaming?
so lets set the stage- I'm on all the social media; twitter, tumblr, instagram, facebook, etc. and as a teenage girl in this culture I am constantly bombarded by feminist movements, anti rape campaigning, free the nipple campaigns, etc. and I LOVE IT. Go girls! but unfortunately in this culture we are also faced with the social construct in place from years of oppression towards women. Clearly progress has been made, however there is still an unconscious perpetuation of shaming women for exercising the same rights as men or for being proud of their bodies.
I personally am very against the current in place dress codes in school. let me explain why- girls come to school AWARE (believe it or not) of how they dressed themselves that morning. Aware of how much leg, cleavage, or stomach is exposed. With this understood, how does a teacher or any administrator have the right to say that what we choose to wear is not "appropriate"? who defines what is appropriate and what it isn't? is not being appropriate exercising my right to freedom of expression? oh right, I forgot! in schools, where by law we have to be, our rights can be limited! How humane!
So here we are, bound by law to attend school, where the law says they can limit our freedoms, trying to be our individual selves, and then we get slut shamed by our own "role models". what is slut shaming?
Slut-shaming
In human sexuality, slut-shaming is the act of making, or attempting to make, a person, especially a woman or girl, feel guilty or inferior for certain sexual behaviors, circumstances, or desires that deviate from traditional or orthodox gender expectations, or that which may be considered to be contrary to natural or religious law
When a teacher or administrator of some kind targets a teenage girl and tells her that her choice of expression is not appropriate or is harming the education of the male student population they are insinuating that girls should censor themselves so that boys can excel, rather then teaching boys to contain themselves because EVERYONE HAS THE RIGHT TO EXPRESS THEMSELVES INCLUDING TEENAGE GIRLS. Rape culture means that we teach girls how to not get raped rather then teaching men (primarily) not TO rape. The issue with this approach is that it perpetuates this mentality that's debilitating the female population by insinuating if someone does something to us, it is our fault.
If you are raped, it is not your fault.
you were not asking for it. no one ever asks for it.
I understand the need to enforce school code, I do, but I cant say that I will respect a code or its enforcement when it is out of date and supports a culture that oppresses women. we need to start teaching equal rights and humanity to children early on. teach them that you cant abuse someone else or their rights that way under any circumstances. I know its a difficult pill to swallow, teaching kids about this early, but in this day and age its clear that change must be made to the way these things are handled.
If you are raped, it is not your fault.
you were not asking for it. no one ever asks for it.
I understand the need to enforce school code, I do, but I cant say that I will respect a code or its enforcement when it is out of date and supports a culture that oppresses women. we need to start teaching equal rights and humanity to children early on. teach them that you cant abuse someone else or their rights that way under any circumstances. I know its a difficult pill to swallow, teaching kids about this early, but in this day and age its clear that change must be made to the way these things are handled.
Friday, May 29, 2015
Happy Place
05.20.15
My happy place is ever changing. Negativity often swallows an environment that once made me content but I have found that is just the natural cycle of things. At the moment I am content when I sit on a bench, alone or with close friends, around the river bend from a small fishing cove, tucked behind a veil of greenery.
On occasion, a close friend of mine going to school in the city comes to join me here, coffee in one hand, a burning cigarette in the other. There is no awkward small talk necessary which is unbelievably gratifying, and I don't feel the need to say anything if I don't want to. We go early in the morning or late at night, but most often at dusk, when the sky is a gentle tangerine orange with wisps of lavender. The perfume of blooming flowers in the spring in combination with this scenery is serene and overwhelmingly calming. Cool gray smoke unfurls and spills out from his lips, spiraling down and outward into the air. He recants his latest experiences and accomplishments which I listen to with ease. I'm always happy for him, always proud.
These brief fleeting hours in which I get to be in the company of someone I care about deeply always brings about a profound appreciation for the people in my life. Unfortunately many of the people close to me are actually very far away. My best friends fled to California and New Mexico at the conclusion of their high school careers. The distance has given me the opportunity to gain a strong understanding for always letting the people who love you know what the mean to you, especially when they physically cant be there with you. I found that on days when nostalgia begins to take over all I want to do Is let them know I love them.
At this point im kind of at a loss of what else to say on the topic, so tozz says I should talk about college. college seems fun but my dream school that I have fallen in love with is extremely unlikely that I will get in. I'm hoping that disconnecting myself from New Paltz will help me deal with change better then I do know. I'm going to go for cultural anthropology or peace and conflict studies in hopes of learning how to help others in a substantial way. I might sound annoying for wanting that (because somehow that can be an annoying thing these days) but honestly I'm just giving it to ya straight.
My happy place is ever changing. Negativity often swallows an environment that once made me content but I have found that is just the natural cycle of things. At the moment I am content when I sit on a bench, alone or with close friends, around the river bend from a small fishing cove, tucked behind a veil of greenery.
On occasion, a close friend of mine going to school in the city comes to join me here, coffee in one hand, a burning cigarette in the other. There is no awkward small talk necessary which is unbelievably gratifying, and I don't feel the need to say anything if I don't want to. We go early in the morning or late at night, but most often at dusk, when the sky is a gentle tangerine orange with wisps of lavender. The perfume of blooming flowers in the spring in combination with this scenery is serene and overwhelmingly calming. Cool gray smoke unfurls and spills out from his lips, spiraling down and outward into the air. He recants his latest experiences and accomplishments which I listen to with ease. I'm always happy for him, always proud.
These brief fleeting hours in which I get to be in the company of someone I care about deeply always brings about a profound appreciation for the people in my life. Unfortunately many of the people close to me are actually very far away. My best friends fled to California and New Mexico at the conclusion of their high school careers. The distance has given me the opportunity to gain a strong understanding for always letting the people who love you know what the mean to you, especially when they physically cant be there with you. I found that on days when nostalgia begins to take over all I want to do Is let them know I love them.
At this point im kind of at a loss of what else to say on the topic, so tozz says I should talk about college. college seems fun but my dream school that I have fallen in love with is extremely unlikely that I will get in. I'm hoping that disconnecting myself from New Paltz will help me deal with change better then I do know. I'm going to go for cultural anthropology or peace and conflict studies in hopes of learning how to help others in a substantial way. I might sound annoying for wanting that (because somehow that can be an annoying thing these days) but honestly I'm just giving it to ya straight.
Thursday, May 14, 2015
Blueberries
05.14.15
I loved blueberries. still do, actually. My ability to recall my childhood is unimpressive, but I remember the blueberries. My dad wasn't around a lot. not because he didn't want to be there, but because he had to be to provide for us. when he was home I can remember sitting in front of the french doors at a table built for someone my size at the time (about 2 feet). despite the insanely tiny chairs and surface area of the table, he would sit with me and eat a colander of freshly washed blueberries until we left it as an gutted carcass.
13 years later and the irony slaps me awake. He quit his job to spend time with us when I was about 14, and for the first time I saw him break apart for me, momentarily. I had resented him as a spiteful preteen for never being around for me, and only after seeing salt water stain his cheeks did I realize all he sacrificed for me. he loved me and my siblings unconditionally, and had to leave say goodbye to us hundreds of times for work. I cant handle one goodbye, and he had to do it every other week? I cant imagine the heartache he experience leaving his 1, 3, and 4 year olds so often until the were 12, 14 and 15. I saw his heartbreak in divorce. I saw him fall apart from the stress of his job. At 14 he opened my eyes to the genuine hurt that everyone, even those who seem the strongest, experience.
He fuels my passion to do something substantial with my life. everyday he drives me to be happy. He is not a man who sugar coats anything. He taught me the value of the dollar by never allowing me to expect anything. He had the resources to give us anything we wanted, but he didn't. not even close. no handouts. work for what you want, that's what he taught. nobodies ever going to just hand you what you want, so why would I let you grow up thinking that? "give your kids enough to start something, but not enough to do nothing" he says. He taught me how to be a self sufficient person, how to fight for what I want, and to never expect a thank you. hand in hand with these harsh lessons he taught me to be a good person. you cant be an a**hole and get away with it. Continuing to support me in whatever I'm driven to do, he lets me take risks if I am passionate about what im doing. That is my father, my best friend. There are a lot of gaping holes in my memories where he wasn't there, but when he was around he made an impact, and what he could to shape me into a decent human being.
I loved blueberries. still do, actually. My ability to recall my childhood is unimpressive, but I remember the blueberries. My dad wasn't around a lot. not because he didn't want to be there, but because he had to be to provide for us. when he was home I can remember sitting in front of the french doors at a table built for someone my size at the time (about 2 feet). despite the insanely tiny chairs and surface area of the table, he would sit with me and eat a colander of freshly washed blueberries until we left it as an gutted carcass.
13 years later and the irony slaps me awake. He quit his job to spend time with us when I was about 14, and for the first time I saw him break apart for me, momentarily. I had resented him as a spiteful preteen for never being around for me, and only after seeing salt water stain his cheeks did I realize all he sacrificed for me. he loved me and my siblings unconditionally, and had to leave say goodbye to us hundreds of times for work. I cant handle one goodbye, and he had to do it every other week? I cant imagine the heartache he experience leaving his 1, 3, and 4 year olds so often until the were 12, 14 and 15. I saw his heartbreak in divorce. I saw him fall apart from the stress of his job. At 14 he opened my eyes to the genuine hurt that everyone, even those who seem the strongest, experience.
He fuels my passion to do something substantial with my life. everyday he drives me to be happy. He is not a man who sugar coats anything. He taught me the value of the dollar by never allowing me to expect anything. He had the resources to give us anything we wanted, but he didn't. not even close. no handouts. work for what you want, that's what he taught. nobodies ever going to just hand you what you want, so why would I let you grow up thinking that? "give your kids enough to start something, but not enough to do nothing" he says. He taught me how to be a self sufficient person, how to fight for what I want, and to never expect a thank you. hand in hand with these harsh lessons he taught me to be a good person. you cant be an a**hole and get away with it. Continuing to support me in whatever I'm driven to do, he lets me take risks if I am passionate about what im doing. That is my father, my best friend. There are a lot of gaping holes in my memories where he wasn't there, but when he was around he made an impact, and what he could to shape me into a decent human being.
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